Thursday, October 29, 2009

Everything's okay.

I can't work out how life can be so strange and yet so normal all at once. My sister -- my baby sister -- is getting married next year. This is crazy. Bizarre. Absurd. Beyond comprehension.

And yet it's also not any of those things. Because... it didn't come about with a clap of thunder and a puff of smoke. It came slowly (okay, sort of slowly) and by the time it was all happening, it seemed the most usual thing in the world. Life's like that.

Being the eldest of five kids and the only remaining single girl is another of those things that should be strange, but isn't. People keep saying, quietly, gently, "And how is Danielle doing?" Mostly I hear about it afterwards, as if the subject is too delicate to broach in front of me. But several of my precious friends have asked, "And -- are you okay?"

I feel so loved when they ask it, but I've begun to shy away from the question. There is no real way to answer it properly. To do it justice. Even saying "I really am okay" sounds slightly defensive.

But this is the marvellous thing: I mean it. I am okay with this. I am okay with not being married yet. I am okay with my little sisters being wives and mamas before me. I am so okay.

I also know that I know that I know that I'm still fighting keen to end up with the man God has in mind for me. I am not oblivious to that subtle ticking of the thing they call a biological clock. Sometimes I ache with loneliness, but don't we all -- married or no?

In the meantime, however, I am content. And, while this contentment might last for just a season, I'm going to enjoy the strange normality of it. It looks a lot like grace, to me. God is good.

PS. And I meant to say: THANK YOU all times a billion for sharing my writerly excitement. You're all awesome.

PPS. How did it get to be the end of October? I heard carols playing on the radio today. I kid you not.


  1. It was so lovely to read this post and see how God has blessed you with a sense of peace and contentment - you have been such an example and witness of that for many years! Thank you for sharing - and I'm continuing to pray for you! (...and for your future husband to come along soon and see what a treasure you are!:) Much love! Abbie

    (Oh! And did that very allusive photo show a hint of your newest (and very pretty!) haircut? :)

  2. Oh Danielle, how very glad I am to hear that!! I've been praying for you in that regard... How good is our God to bless you with such contentment! You are truly an example to all of us "younger" girls and I really and truly mean that!! I treasure your friendship. Lots of love to you.....

  3. I know what you mean, about having to adjust to a baby sister getting married. It changes so quickly! One moment, they are your comrade in everything, the next, a young man is their focus.:) Its the way life should be, and it is nice to know there are guys out there who are worthy of our sisters.;)
    I loved reading your update.

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  5. Sorry, it posted twice.:P Praying for you!

  6. goodonya! :) know those feelings and battles and the ok times and the bad...hope your ok lasts a good long time! xox

  7. yay! because, like, i HAD wondered and i think i've probably asked you at some point.
    dude. this + the real story + the fact that you're you = you being my hero. :)
    aaaaand we haven't caught up in ages. i think it must be about time for an overdue skype sesh...
    i miss you so much! has it EVER been this long between visits before?

  8. ps - confession: i always stalk you on twitter! come back! :P

  9. What lovely post! I love you DD. :) xoxoxoxoxox

  10. GOOD.
    It's just that Lauren's sort of the centre of all attention and weddings aren't always the easiest thing to deal with, and if you weren't fine with that all of the time...well, that would be fine by me.
    I just like knowing how you are going, too.
    And sometimes that's not the easiest or the politest thing to ask.

  11. ...not that I'm not super excited about Lauren's wedding!
    Because I am!
    ...I even keep daydreaming about the bridesmaid's dresses. Sigh.


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