I can't work out how life can be so strange and yet so normal all at once. My sister -- my baby sister -- is getting married next year. This is crazy. Bizarre. Absurd. Beyond comprehension.
And yet it's also not any of those things. Because... it didn't come about with a clap of thunder and a puff of smoke. It came slowly (okay, sort of slowly) and by the time it was all happening, it seemed the most usual thing in the world. Life's like that.
Being the eldest of five kids and the only remaining single girl is another of those things that should be strange, but isn't. People keep saying, quietly, gently, "And how is Danielle doing?" Mostly I hear about it afterwards, as if the subject is too delicate to broach in front of me. But several of my precious friends have asked, "And -- are you okay?"
I feel so loved when they ask it, but I've begun to shy away from the question. There is no real way to answer it properly. To do it justice. Even saying "I really am okay" sounds slightly defensive.
But this is the marvellous thing: I mean it. I am okay with this. I am okay with not being married yet. I am okay with my little sisters being wives and mamas before me. I am so okay.
I also know that I know that I know that I'm still fighting keen to end up with the man God has in mind for me. I am not oblivious to that subtle ticking of the thing they call a biological clock. Sometimes I ache with loneliness, but don't we all -- married or no?
In the meantime, however, I am content. And, while this contentment might last for just a season, I'm going to enjoy the strange normality of it. It looks a lot like grace, to me. God is good.
PS. And I meant to say: THANK YOU all times a billion for sharing my writerly excitement. You're all awesome.
PPS. How did it get to be the end of October? I heard carols playing on the radio today. I kid you not.