The last five years:

I never went on to tertiary study when I finished high school. In fact, I hardly even 'finished' at all. School just kind of faded out and work faded in, and suddenly I was doing a whole bunch of projects I really cared about, burning the candle at both ends, and loving every minute of it (I needed less sleep back then). A degree was the last thing on my mind. But five years ago, it all kind of fell together for me to begin a bachelor of arts, majoring in creative writing, minoring in history, maxing out in books and words and thoughts.

On Friday, I handed in my final paper of my Master's degree. Mum called later that day to share the excitement. "I just realised," she said, "that you've finished your degree just as everything is winding down." She was right. In those five years, my second sister got married. My brother re-met and got engaged to his high school crush. Two nephews and a niece joined the family. My parents lived in Tasmania, Western Australia, and New Zealand. A lot went on in that time and my personal world spun pretty fast.

But now: my dad has finished his recent work contract and moved back to Queensland. My parents are going into business together. My life has an established pattern in a place I feel at home in, even though I'd never have guessed I could feel at home in Queensland. But this is my place now. I feel like a local, I'm full of patriotic pride in this little region and all of its loveliness. I have two part-time jobs that I care about, I belong to a church. The people at my library know me by name. I have conversations with checkout people and sometimes I even see them at my church. The guy at Blockbuster asks after my life. The owner of the best local fish and chips place passed away recently and I'm sad because I feel like I knew him. I meet with a cool little gang on Thursday nights and we talk about life and CS Lewis. I meet with another friend on Monday night and we pray and read the bible. I have a buddy who lives on the north side but still makes time out of her busy life to hang out, see movies, and talk books. I kind of even know my way around without a map.

None of this was really going on five years ago. None of it. I felt like a newcomer to every part of what my life was then, and my roots weren't down deep. "Your degree gave you stability when there was none," my mother said on the phone. "Now you're finished and life has settled down." I hadn't thought of it that way, but it was true. And I've lived long enough to know that nothing ever settles down, really. But it does feel like we've come out onto a plateau and the view from here is a good one.

Considering this, I'm thankful. But I'm also wary that this may sound like everything's coming up Danielle. My life is no more perfect than it was five years ago. I think I'm definitely more neurotic than I was before. I wrestle more with anxiety. And the single life at times feels more like a cage than a pair of unfettered wings. But my life feels steady in a way I haven't often experienced in this wandering life, and that's new and good.

I've spent so many paragraphs talking about anything but what I actually studied and why it was relevant. It was ridiculously important to me, and I'm definitely going to expound on that, but for the moment I want to appreciate this unexpected revelation: that studying gave me some bones to hang my life on in a time when everything was shifting and uncertain me around me. I'm pretty thankful for that. And I'm thankful for the one who orchestrates time and circumstance so that the pieces fit together well, even if it only makes sense in retrospect.

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Conversations:

• Brenda Wilkerson -- thank you :)
• Lauren -- and thank you.
• Melody -- thank you for reading along! x
• Bush Maid -- I love that you can relate.
• Asea -- gosh, yes. I hadn't thought of the relationship to intuition. You're so right. (I've never heard of Predator Cities but it sounds amazing!).
• Meaghan -- oh you.
• Mothercare -- hearts. xx
• Joy -- thank you! Isn't it amazing how many kindred feelings and experiences we all share and yet struggle to find words for?
• The Elf -- I'm honoured by your nomination. Thank you!
• Brooke -- thank you for reminding me about your blog! I lost all my old feeds when my computer died, so now I can keep reading!

Digging deeper:

When I was considering my undergraduate degree and excitedly discussing it with whoever would listen, an older friend said to me, “They say if you want to hate literature, you should study it.” Oh.

This friend is someone I generally consider to be pretty wise, but in this case he turned out to be wrong. Here I am, almost at the end of nearly five years of study, and I love literature more than ever.

I have certainly had to read stuff I didn’t care for. I’d say about 50% of the texts set for my classes were ones I wouldn’t naturally pick up for myself, mostly because it seems that many tertiary texts highlight the bleak and the gritty. Yes, I have had to wade through postmodern criticism that desperately seeks out phallic symbols in the most unlikely of places and brings everything -- yes, everything -- back to Oedipus. I have read stories that gave far too much information and stories that gave far too little. I’ve been called upon to dig out meaning I really didn’t even think was there. I do have a few choice things to say about certain bits of convoluted postmodern literary theory but I can honestly affirm that none of it has made me hate literature. Even when I hated where a novel went, I couldn’t hate the novel itself. There is always some spark of wonder and I think that studying a piece of writing will draw that out -- for me, at least. And as for the stuff I already loved and had to revisit? Plumbing the depths of these works didn’t drain them of all joy. Rather, I got to see nuanced sides of the works that I’d never considered, delicate layers of meaning and artistry that I didn’t even know were there. Far from making me hate literature, studying it only enhanced my appreciation for it.

It’s not just books that work like this. I remember being set a very complex Bach prelude and fugue back when I was studying piano. The movement of the voices -- four of them, spread amongst two hands -- was immensely complex and interwoven, and I pretty much despaired of playing it with any fluidity. I groaned as I picked apart the work note by note, dragging and fumbling my way through. But as I gained a little proficiency (it was never wholly easy for me, let me be clear), I actually began to love it. Of course, the work did not change, but I did. I got to know it better, and in knowing it better I was more able to see its beauty. More recently, I see this happening for one of my music students. “I hate this!” she moaned, staring at a new song which included some unfamiliar techniques. “This is the worst song I’ve ever had to play!” I tried to tell her that maybe it would become her favourite; that’s how it often worked for me. She was frankly disbelieving. Two weeks later, with her fingers moving deftly over the notes, she confessed that it was now her favourite. And because she is eleven years old and entirely unselfconscious, there was no sheepishness. She just grinned widely.

I wonder if the process is the same for learning to love people? In my teens and early twenties, I craved that instant connection with new friends, the undefinable “click,” so difficult to explain but so easy to recognise when it’s present. It’s the sort of feeling that has you laughing with someone and showing them your truest self even though you’ve only known them an hour -- because something about them, or the way you and they are, together, says it’s okay, it’ll work. I used to think friendship needed those click moments, but now I’m not so sure. There are friendships in my life that started off very slowly, awkwardly, brokenly. There are people I know with whom I had to make a concerted effort to reveal parts of my heart, taking a risk and putting it out there in a clunky fashion because it was never going to happen organically. Some of these people are my dearest friends now. With some, I’m still my quietest self, my most hesitant self, but they are true friends and real friends because I have known them long enough to see the intricate layers of the notes and the melodies that criss-cross and compete but somehow come together to make something amazing.

Perhaps studying something will make you hate it. But I don’t think so. I think that if you really want to learn to love something, looking a little closer is the best way to do it.

Me and yo(u)ni:

Of all the schoolday feelings and memories, the one it seems I'll never outgrow is that thrilling sense of fresh, bright anticipation at the beginning of a new school year. I'm a dorky little nerd for admitting it, but one of the most exciting things about the new beginning was shopping for fresh school supplies. Brand new, whittled to a perfect point pencils. Notebooks fat with crisp unblemished paper. Erasers without grey smudges and the corners all worn off. Lunchboxes shiny, with no dings or revolting tattered name labels -- and all of it new, clean, and smelling good.

Don't judge me for this obsession; it is an inherited trait. My mother felt -- feels -- exactly the same way. And just as the feeling's never quite worn off for her, it's stayed with me, too. I can't help it. The start of school and the assortment of fresh supplies conjures up the same response as the first day of January, or the opening page of a blank journal. The possibilities! The newness!

I'm there again now at the beginning of semester 1, 2013. If all goes according to plan (and we all know that often it doesn't), I should be finishing my five years of tertiary education (I can't believe it's been that long) this time next year. It will be exciting to have it done, but I'm in no hurry because school still gives me that same giddy eight-year-old feeling. I'm taking the part-time route with my postgrad studies, doing two subjects a semester. I am subject-greedy and would love to do more, but if I put the recommended hours into each subject (again, how often does that happen?), then it's supposed to be a 24 to 30 hour a week investment, even with just two subjects. So I'd better stick with that, I think.

This semester, my classes are Critical & Creative Writing Through Literature and Contemporary Literature, both of which are fairly self-explanatory I think. The little pile of books there represents a handful of the set texts for these classes. There are more, but I am doling the buying out like a good little budgeting person. Mostly, I'm excited about them. I am frankly blah about the idea of reading The Turn of the Screw, since it's a ghost story/psychological mindmaze. But it's short, so I'll get it over and done with quickly, and I'll read carefully so I don't have to read it twice. I finished The Driver's Seat today, which left me with a disturbing but oddly mesmerising aftertaste. I can see why it was set as a text, but it definitely feels like the sort of thing I'd read only because Uni Made Me Do It. I am currently immersed in The Princess Bride, which is of course brilliant. I keep forgetting I am meant to actually be studying the book instead of just reading and laughing.

One of the assignments for the critical & creative writing class calls for students to do a 'textual intervention' on either The Princess Bride (yes) or The Turn of the Screw (no). Suggestions include (and I'm quoting here from the course in abridged form):

1. Interviewing one or more minor characters from either novel, to gain their perspective on the events of the story.
2. Explore how a changed setting would affect the narrative and style of the story—e.g. how would the fairy-tale elements of The Princess Bride work if set in Tasmania?
3. Explore how changing characters would affect the story: imagine if in The Turn of the Screw, the governess was a male tutor, or the children were much older.
4. Consider how you would transform a scene or two into a stage play. 

Isn't that the coolest essay prompt ever? I'm going to have fun with this one.

Enough about Danielle's Thrilling Postgrad Adventures. What about you? Whether formally or informally, what are you learning lately?

/nerd out.

Just another manic Monday:

Sometimes it's fun to document a day in pictures and just see what happens. Last Monday I decided to do exactly that. I chose Monday because it's my standard 'normal' day each week. No music students, no English students; the goal is study and errands. I attempted to take a photo an hour, but sometimes I forgot or was late. This is the result! Above, about 8am, I think.

After breakfast, I duck next door into my Mum's kitchen to say hi.

Then I'm into homework -- a project analysing the print serial market in Australia, particularly special-interest publications focussed on writing, editing, and publishing. It was a big job, due the following Friday. And you did not really need to know all those boring details.

Final undergrad results are in which means I've officially completed my Bachelor degree. Wahoo!

Snaaaack time!

A phone call from my sister Andrea, who was reading The Hunger Games -- which we desperately needed to discuss with one another, of course.

An errand trip into town with the little bro. Tain took this photo and I think it's pretty cool. I've never really noticed how insistent that row of pedestrian crossing signs is. And look at that Queensland winter sun!

A library study date.

Here, have a photo of a fourteen-year-old eating a ham-and-cheese toastie with his mouth open. Relatedly, how cool is my local library?

Back home again (now sometime around 3 or 4) and back into the books.

I head into the family home to say hi to my sister Lauren, who has unexpectedly dropped by while James goes off fishing.

Abby's pretty excited about hunting down the cat.

At about 6pm, it's a dinner production line!

Spontaneous sister/mother/daughter time (plus Tain) means watching the season final of Downton Abbey together. Abby is amused.

I discover that I can't watch tv guilt-free when I have a hefty critical book review due in a week. I read some Dickens with one eye on the tv and one ear on the conversation.

James returns a little after 7.30.

More study!

And my wee kitchen needs some attention. I usually wash up about 11pm, which is kind of a dreadful habit.

Downtime -- with ugg boots.

Ablutions. I took a self-portrait brushing teeth, but I decided to protect Laura's anti-teeth-brushing sensitivities and post this shot instead.

Bible and bed at 12.40am. 'Night!

What's a Monday look like for you?

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Conversations:

Andrea -- :D

Staish -- I'm not cut out to be a plumber, though. There was gagging involved.

Asea -- mesh covers sound super smart!

Carla and Alastair -- I suspect that the reason you've never thought to write a letter to your vanity drain is because you're normal.

Katie -- huzzah indeed!

Domesticwarriorgoddess -- your comment made my day! Thank you for enjoying my weirdness :).

Rebecca Simon -- haha, you're lovely!

Jess Axelby -- HARD TIMES foreverrrrr! I have to confess I'd forgotten how it ended though. I wasn't ready for the sadness :'(.

Meaghan -- I DID gag. *shudder*

What comes next:

My imagination has decided that the end of one thing definitely means the beginning of several others. Quite suddenly I am buzzing with project ideas. I want to spring clean. I want to clear out my walk-in-wardrobe and convert part of it into a linen shelf so that my little pantry cupboard can actually house food rather than towels and tablecloths. I want to set up a shop on ebay and sell the clothes I love but haven't worn in a while. I want to pack up bundles of my favourite books and leave them hidden in public places with a note telling some stranger to enjoy the stories. I want to finish all the half-read books on my bookshelf. I want to get back into art lessons with my little brother. I want to get the Pentax fixed and go on a film-shooting spree. I want to start new journals and new writing projects. I want to open a cafe that's open till late at night and people can bring their homework or their girlfriends or their grandpa or their guitars and sit, surrounded by books and freshly-baked muffins. I'd like to do all of the above -- tomorrow, if possible.

Most of this list -- leaving aside the glorious book cafe -- might actually happen someday, but none of those things are likely to happen tomorrow. Because life quickly establishes its own full-to-the-brim rhythm. Before a gap opens up, something else comes to fill the not-yet-empty place. I often bemoan this fact, the sense that there is never time to stop and breathe after one thing before the next race begins. Really though, I'm thankful for it. It's healthy and life-giving to have a sense of purpose, even a small purpose that's only a part of the jigsaw puzzle that is the greater, overarching purpose.

I floundered for a while wondering what would happen post-degree. What about continuing study? What about money? I think I gave myself extra grey hairs overthinking everything. And then of course, things happened in such a landslide that I was left looking sheepish over my own doubt. Within the space of two weeks, I got accepted into the Master's program I'd been hoping to study, I was offered a challenging but right-down-my-alley part time job, and I sold a story! I could almost see God with hands on hips (suddenly it seems irreverent to imagine God standing there hands on hips; does He even have hips?), saying, "Seriously, you assumed I'd forgotten about you?"

So that's what comes next for me. I've got two weeks of work -- teaching English and history privately to two teens and two pre-teens -- under my belt, and I'm one week into an MA in writing. I'm enrolled in some great classes and I have masses of amazing related reading to dive into. In other words I'm blessed, even though I'm a wimp and oh so good at freaking out.

What comes next for you?

* * * * *

The lovely folk at PocketChange included the old blog in their Best of the Web roundup, which is pretty sweet of them! Be sure to check it out; I've been lurking the Best of the Web posts and found some lovely new blogs to explore and enjoy.

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Conversations:

Rebecca Simon -- thanks, sweet lady!

Caitlin - Crafty Crackpot -- thank you, Caitlin! And I totally agree: my family is definitely so cool. And please don't consider yourself slack in the letter-writing department. Your supposed slackness doesn't even appear on the graph when contrasted with my intense slackness!

Katie -- those little white paws are surprisingly good at shoulder massages. :D

Andrea -- I still wish you could've been there, too :). [And glad you like the slightly tweaked layout]

Domesticwarriorgoddess -- thank you, lovely Charis.

Cara -- I think unpacking is sometimes more overwhelming than packing! Good luck with it. I look forward to hearing more when you have a chance... and I need to update you with lots of things!

Rach -- thanks for the tag! <3

Amanda -- yes indeed you MUST have a little party.

Meaghan -- love you. xx

HarrietCoombe -- thank you, lovely. I love you. x

Finito:

Over at twitter, I may or may not have promised that, upon handing in the last assignment of my degree, I would breathe out a sigh of relief so hearty that gale force winds would happen somewhere. Now, today, Friday-the day-of-the-handing-in-of-final-assignments feels so long ago that I can't remember whether I sighed or not. Tell me if there was a cyclone near you and maybe that'll jog my memory. But just sitting down right now to write, here in this very moment, well... there was definitely some relieved lung work happening. I've finished my degree. I've finished my degree! And while I know there is nothing extraordinary in this, that many many people have done and will do this very thing, it's a nice feeling to finish something, especially a something that's taken three and a half years. There's always going to be emotion at the end of a good journey. After all, I'm a girl. Permit me this.

I'd like to wax lyrical about all that I've learnt during this time, what studying has taught me, how it's changed the way I approach my writing life, whether the debt I currently owe the Australian government is worth it or not, and other similar lines of thought. And maybe I will write that post soon. Instead, though, I'm feeling emotional and gratitudey* about the way that my family (and especially my mum) actually care about this small destination reached -- how they've never laughed at me for caring more about words than about a "normal" career -- how they've accomodated the self-centred aspects of student life that call for bouts of anti-social hermiting and a strong focus on due dates -- how they've read my work and encouraged me and waited for grades almost as eagerly as I have.

I'm very conscious that this kind of support is no small thing. Some families laugh at their creative offspring. Some judge and criticise and tease. Some just don't care all that much. And certainly some would never decide to randomly throw together a practically-spur-of-the-moment outdoor uni-finishing party, complete with homemade chicken satay kebabs, paper lanterns, and cheesecake. Most mums and sisters wouldn't plot a little guest list and menu without informing the student sister so as not to add anything else to her plate. Most brothers wouldn't fly themselves and their lovely lady friend up from New South Wales to surprise the sister for said spur-of-the-moment party. Most dads wouldn't stand barbecuing for hours for a bunch of his daughter's friends, many of whom he's never met.

So thank you, family. I love you.

PS. The flowers are from my grandparents.<3

*grateful would've made more sense. Creative writing degree, you say? Grasp on the English language, you say? Poohoo!

* * * * *

Conversations:


Abbie -- you're the encouragement! Thank you.

Andrea -- do you feel like, by doing the photo challenge, you've also learnt more about your camera? It's a pretty cool way to be thrown in at the deep end.

Carla and Alastair -- yep, that was me! May not have a green thumb, but I occasionally have green fingernails :). PS. Thank you for your prayers! Sometimes it's hard being a human, isn't it?

Hannah -- goodness, yes. Let's be kids foreverrrr! Your day-to-day approach is so wise. Thank you for sharing that. xx

Lauren -- this is definitely related to our chat. Brain-twins -- even when we don't particularly want to be.

Rebecca Simon -- aw, hugs! Prayers right back at you!

Meaghan -- Dory's advice always rings true. xx

Joy -- absolutely! And His feet is the place where our burdens need to go.

Samantha R -- yes yes yes!

Laura Elizabeth -- I'm sad you've been in an anxious place, too, but loving what you've learnt while you're there. That's awesome -- and I loved that link :D. xx

Monday afternoon at the Housie:

The Housie got a little mini-makeover this weekend with a cute pine chest of drawers my Mum sourced for me for freeee. Since Mum was also reorganising the study in her own house, my childhood writing desk (which my little brother had been using) got returned to me, too, so I had two new pieces of furniture to find a home for in this fairly small space. I spent most of Saturday shuffling and setting up, but the Housie is kind of amazing. Every time I reconfigure the arrangement in here, I manage to fit more in without making it less spacious. I'm quite in love with this chest of drawers. It's nothing special as far as furniture goes, but somehow it just suits. I've filled the drawers with my DVD and CD collections (with a couple of drawers left over; I'm thinking art supplies) and moved the squat little bookcase usually assigned to this purpose into a different corner. It now houses my Penguin paperbacks, books on wordcraft, and stacks of magazines.

I love that the living room looks a little more spare and maybe a little more masculine as a result (shared and public spaces shouldn't be too girly, right?). My brother Tain looked it all over and told me my house looks "like a library." I'm taking that as a definite compliment.

And my half-bedroom-half-office is reorganised just in time for the return of uni, which has started up again today. It's my final BA semester, which is impossibly hard to believe. Three years has gone by entirely too fast!

I've only got three subjects this time round, since that's all that's left to complete my degree: Creative Non-Fiction, Medieval History, and Themes in Australian Literature. Each unit is appealing to me for different reasons, but I'm especially excited about creative non-fic. Really well-written, true writing is an art form all to itself. I'm keen to learn lots more about it.

* * * * *

Conversations:

Amanda -- sensory overload! I think it was easier to process in real life than it is to look at the pictures.

Un -- yes. It would've been cool to have visited in the early days and then again now, towards the end of the project.

Sarah -- glad you enjoyed the pictures! It was a fun experience to wander through.

It's the final(s) countdown:

Now that we're all singing the same song*, let me say hi. Hi. Let me also apologise for my almost-week-long absence from blogville. Like Spongebob said, it's The Final(s) Countdown here, and I am full blast plowing through two 3000-word essays, two 1500-word short stories, a working journal, and several shorter essays. I have three more weeks of this followed by two weeks of relative ease (just one essay of 1250 words, I think; Henry V, you better watch your back), and then it's over tra la la! for another year.

Running through that list might sound like I take some morbid sort of delight in these impending deadlines, but writing it out actually makes the tasks feel smaller and more manageable. Nevertheless, it's at the all-encompassing tail end of the semester, so my posts over the next few weeks are probably going to be more of the short (definitely) and sweet (hopefully) variety. Just pictures and short words here and there, occasionally. I might also put Conversations on hold until school's over. BUT, this doesn't mean I don't love your comments. So very far from the truth. I do -- I love them a lot. And if you ask questions, I'll reply in a comment myself.

Christmas also feels like it's getting closer, and that makes me so excited. I'm eleven years old, alright? I've started shopping and making lists and I am so looking forward to the idea of nearly ALL my family gathering together for a little summer reunion sometime after Christmas. I don't welcome the humidity, but I welcome everything else that Summer brings. Roll on!

*thanks, Spongebob; I never knew you were the frontman for Europe.

hello, august!

Hello new month. Hello new school semester. Hello new haircut. Hello, sunshine.

Wow. This week has been sprinkled in the most amazing, incredible sunshine. Winter? Hardly. On Monday, Mum, Nick, Tain and I sat out on picnic rugs and ate sundaes from McDonald's. Yesterday, we spent the afternoon on an island, and travelled home by water taxi as the sun set behind the mangroves (there will be pictures -- lots of them). Today is just as luscious but I am yet to explore its full potential as I've been trying to make up for all the gallivanting and Actually Do Some Work, which means inside, at a desk, on the computer.

It's the first week of August and the first week of second semester. I can hardly believe I'm into the final year of my bachelor degree. After this semester, just three more subjects and then I'm done! I've started researching graduate programs but at the moment I'm really just enjoying that beginning-of-semester newness -- ordering textbooks, working out assignments due (two entire typed A4 pages listing assignments due. Eek!), wrapping my brain around the subjects.

As always, the selection of subjects has me excited (and my excitement translates into: you get to read about it. Oh goodie). This semester I'm taking:

• History and Literature of the Medieval and Renaissance Periods -- how all of this can be condensed into one subject I do not know, but I'm looking forward to finding out. Stories and history together = awesomeness.
• The Bible as Literature -- I think this'll be delightful and challenging. I love that the primary textbook is by Leland Ryken and I've chosen to do a book by Friedrich Buechner for one of the book-related assignments. Yum.
• Exploring the Christian Faith -- this one's a course in the core ideas of Christian theology. It looks to be very meaty with lots of reading, lots of thinking, and lots of assignments. I have a feeling this one will stretch me but keep me intrigued, too.
• Writing the Short Story -- since I'm majoring in creative writing, it's probably no surprise that the writing subjects prove to be my favourites every semester. The short story is a form that I've slowly been growing to love, and I appreciate that this subject is based around reading and analysing lots of great short stories as well as learning to write them. Among the assignments due for this subject are four short stories, so I'll be kept on my toes. And I also have to keep a creative journal which is thrilling to me because I'm a complete journal nerd.

What new challenges are keeping you on your toes lately? What are you loving reading or learning about? And if you could make up your own niche degree to study (absolutely anything), what subjects would you choose?

* * * * *

Conversations:

BushMaid -- it really is! And I love how every meeting of someone new becomes its own cool story.

Caitlin -- THE CHEEKS THE CHEEKS! They are her talent and her gift.

Laura Elizabeth -- the headband was originally so people would know she was actually a girl, but now I suspect she asks to wear it ;). The Eagle arrived today! I shall share my response to it with you. Here's hoping it's okay!

Carla -- aaaah! I had thought about Meaghan being an aunty but I hadn't thought about Lachlan being an uncle! How cute!

Rebecca Simon -- those boys are all going to be clones when they're old men :).

We Three -- hugs right back at you! And aren't cheeks just the cutest thing on chubby babies? (Also, I owe you an email) xx

Staish -- <3 <3 <3 Hearts will have to suffice because words fail. I'm so blessed by you.

Chantel -- the cheeks are immensely squishable. I squish them A LOT.

Eweight -- YES!

This monster ain't under the bed.

You’d think that, having faced the beast four times already, I’d be totally ready to go head to head with the monster at the end of the semester. Apparently not so. Today it returned, grinning evilly, and I failed to meet it with grace and gumption.

The thing is, I’m most content when life has variety and balance. A bit of socialisation, a bit of hermiting. A bit of chaos, a bit of calm. A bit of work, a bit of play. A bit of hurry, a bit of slow. I struggle when any one thing becomes all-encompassing and the other things have to be put to the side for a while. And the problem is that the end of semester is completely all-encompassing. Every spare moment seems focussed just on seeing out a deadline, which doesn’t feel at all like what life (or learning, for that matter) should be about. Don’t get me wrong; I love the study and I love the work – I just don’t love it being the only thing that’s going on. And I struggle with guilt when I say no to things that are good things and things I want to do, or when I have to put time with others on some sort of schedule. In my perfect world of idealism, you don’t fit people into your life; you fit your life into people.

Anyway, so all that resulted in the end-of-semester monster rearing its head which really looked like me having a day of polar opposite behaviours – diligence and procrastination, laughing and crying, power-talk and whining. However, a bunch of things conspired to turn my frown upside down. One is the delicious (and half-empty, in the picture) creme brulee frappe that my sister brought to me out of the blue. Mmmm! Also, in the background, beautiful new rug on sort of loan basis from Mum and Dad. It's so cosy!

Then there's this honeycomb sundae that my Mum fed to me, post Thai dinner date. I rarely have icecream because I'm not a huge fan of it, but the upside of that is that when I do have icecream, I'm really in the mood for it.

This guy with his cool shirt and his spiky do always brightens my days.

And this is my Mum/counsellor/friend/psychiatrist who is possibly also related to Mother Theresa.

Also, a game of kid's monopoly made me laugh. Big bucks, my friends.

And these two, one of whom turns out to be an excellent, relaxed mum and the other of whom turns out to resemble a koala and alternately impersonates the pope, a drunken hobo, a lucky cat with that waving arm motion, and an angry samurai warrior, all with the most basic variation of facial expressions.

What helped you to be happy today?

* * * * *

Conversations:

All of you -- well played, friends. Appreciation of my nieces and nephews guarantees eternal admission to the Society of People Danielle Loves.

Big little adventures

So many adventures big and small can happen in the space of one week, and the happiest of all happy adventures in the last seven days was the arrival of a brand new little niece. Yes indeed, she arrived precisely on her due date (my beloved first niece’s fourth birthday!), a chubby little pink bundle of cute who already has her dad’s nose and mouth and hair halfway between the colours of her mama and papa. I am under strict instruction not to share pictures and details until the doting parents have done so themselves (and they are taking their own sweet time about it), so I am sitting on my hands until then. But: A NIECE! A TINY GIRL! A CUTE LITTLE GUMMY PERSON!

That big adventure led to lots of other small adventures, some less fun (driving around the airport a hundred and fifty times waiting on the arrival of a flight that was delayed three hours and fifteen minutes), some extremely fun (my sister Andrea flying up from down south to meet her new niece – and be my first official overnight Housie guest). Owing to the general lack of sleep that seems to accompany the arrival of any new baby, we didn’t do anything very grand – just lots of family catching up, lots of talking, one day in which there were four shopping trips, and lots of baby-hugging – but in spite of that (and the inevitable spilling over of weird emotions, my traditional response to life’s big moments) it was excellent.

It turned into something of a long weekend, too, as Andrea didn’t fly out till Tuesday afternoon, and then I got to catch up with a lovely West-Australian-turned-Territorian friend who was in the city for the week. We chatted while her fifteen-month-old dynamo cherub beamed upon us and impressed us with her sometimes unintelligible but always genius monosyllabic observations of the world.

Today it’s back into the books and an attempt to get my head around Hegel’s philosophy of history, something which really wants to defy a concise single-sentence definition. My tactic when I don’t have a clue about the subjects I’m writing essays for is basically just to immerse myself in the topic until I start to gain some sense of what’s going on. Sometimes it takes ages but eventually I start to get it. Thank you, ITunesU, for giving me access to incredible lecturers in great universities around the world. Ah, I love the internet!

The semester is close to winding down which means the deadline pressure is winding up. At this time of semester, I always find myself wishing there was a more even spread of assignments throughout term. I’d far rather do an assignment a week (dotting the hardcore major projects throughout) than have a bunch due mid-semester, a few here and there, and all the big ones at the very end. I want to learn, not just pass, and I feel sure I’d remember so much more and invest more of myself in each essay if they were spread throughout the semester rather than due in big lump sums. Never mind; deadlines are helpful and oddly inspiring, even if they are unfun.

And this is unrelated to anything else I've said in my post, but who needs context for pretty pictures and creative challenges? I don't. Words to Shoot By.

* * * * *

Conversations:

Bek Axe -- :D

Lauren -- It did want to come out! And 'it' is a she!

Carla & Alastair -- but we were focussing on belly (and the mama didn't want her face photographed that day).

Bethany -- this aunty is enthusiastic about the responsibility of posting pictures ;).

Cara -- and hugs back to you! I hope life is lovely for you way over there <3

Un -- we know that's not true!

Laura Elizabeth -- I promise you I read nothing creeperish in that remark. LOL I love surrounding myself with small children. :D

Staish -- See you tomorrow?

Samantha R -- that little kid already knows the feeling of being mobbed by papparazzi, believe me.

Meaghan -- we must repeat the insanity of something similar to the trail of carnage soon ;).

Going to school is lots of fun (from laughing we have gained a ton)

This post has been brought to you today by the letter A, which stands for Andrea, who happens to be my sister, who is the person most likely to ask me, "When are you going to make a new blog post?" -- which, in turn, makes me feel loved and popular. So this post is for you, Andrea, even though you are probably likely to think school talk is boring.

I'm in my third year of uni; how laughable is that? And with week one of said third year under my belt, it's time for a little school update, especially since some of you have been interested to know what subjects I'm doing. The little stack of library books in the picture above offers some clues. So, this semester I'm taking:

Theory & Philosophy of History -- which so far consists of lots of philosophy surrounding the nature of history and time, and it feels all very Greek-wandering-round-philosophising at this stage. I think it will prove to be quite interesting and -- particularly where the essays are concerned -- a good challenge. 'History cannot exist outside of time, and yet time is not history'...

Christ, Culture, and the State -- I picked this one because I needed a kind of sociology subject and I was intrigued by the title. What I've encountered so far is lots of political theory and philosophy which I think might prove to tie in well with my history subject. (If you want to pretend to take this class, you can buy my lecturer's book here; I'm plugging it because he's a great teacher and you can totally read the book in an Irish accent because that's what it was written in ;D).

The Icelandic Sagas -- Vikings! Iceland! Myths and legends! Heroes! Very large beards! Okay, what is not to like about this subject? Part history, part literature, part excuse-to-read-about-crazy-men-from-windy-volcanic-islands.

Writing for Children -- I've saved (what I'm guessing will be) the best for last. Children's literature is something that gets me very, very excited, so I'm thrilled that I get to spend part of this semester delving more into this world and perhaps learning how to find a place in it myself. The lecturer is Rosanne Hawke and having read several of her YA books, I have a healthy amount of respect (reverence, even) for what she has to say about the craft. One of my assignments for this class is to write a picture book manuscript (insert many exclamation points here)! And this is work?

So there you have it. That's what I'm up to for the next few months. What about you? If you're studying this year, tell me about your subjects (I like learning about learning!). If you're not taking formal study, tell me how you're educating yourself. Life is full of learning; what are you reading, writing, or pondering?

* * * * *

Conversations:

Rebecca Simon -- B&B + Launceston = charming.

Carla and Alastair -- okay, a dose of amazing via ultrasound beats a dose of pretty any old day!

Katie -- if only we could pluck things right out of the internet and eat/use/enjoy them in real life... *sigh*

Brooke -- I will add you to my list of potential proofreaders to call upon :D.

Julia -- you are an AWESOME cheerleader. If you didn't already have an excellent job, I'd employ you full time. Only... the pay kind of stinks.

Samantha R -- and this tiramisu was rich. I just had a quarter of the little cake and that was plenty.

Asea -- ah, the snow sounds uh-may-zinggg!

Imma let you finish but...

Yo, my peeps! This post goes out to my supreme homey Mitanika, who specially requested a little procrastination action on the internets while she avoids the black looming deadline of the crazy crazy world that is NaNoWriMo!

[Okay, cease random Kanye-style voice; resume Danielle voice]

This post is indeed dedicated to a friend, a friend who is more heroic than I am because she's currently swimming through the vast ocean of terrifying waters that is the quest to write a 50,000-word novel in a single month. She requested some distraction and, since I -- being in the final two weeks of uni for the year -- have a profound respect for procrastination, I am more willing to comply. However, that simple fact also means this blog post will be the most spontaneous and least-thought-out of my blogging history. It will also likely be:

a) very boring -- because I've used up all my words writing essays, and
b) very hyperactive -- because I'm tired, and the tireder I get, the sillier I get.

So consider yourself fairly warned before I present to you a random list of life's latest.

1. I am currently being haunted by spiders and cockroaches, which makes me feel both sick and stalked. It must just be their season of bliss, because they're appearing everywhere and around every corner. I've actually killed two huge spiders myself (this was not fun) and -- get this -- was woken yesterday morning at 6.30 by a cockroach crawling down my arm. *choke* I am a big fan of the environment, but I am definitely going to be calling the pest control man.
2. I've tripped over my own shoes today (twice) and the hem of my dress (once) because I am that cool. The dress-hem-tripping incident was directly in front of someone, too.
3. I think I saved someone's life today. Okay, I didn't save their life, but I did save their blood sugar levels. A bright blonde Irish girl came to the door selling energy savings. We got talking (about spiders, snakes, and cockroaches no less; see what I mean about them haunting me?) and she suddenly asked, "Do you have any fizzy drink?" I didn't, and she must have felt silly because she went on to explain that she'd been walking around the neighbourhood, had not had breakfast, and felt quite faint. We then proceeded to bond over some Lindt 70% cocoa chocolate, the only legitimate energy food source I had to hand.
4. Both of my sisters are having babies. I'm not sure if you all knew that. Yay! (I slipped that one sneakily into my random list).
5. Every day lately, parcels have been arriving on my doorstep, but it's kind of agonising because my mother is doing Christmas shopping and gets all the mail sent here. There is a stack of parcels (nine; I counted) just sitting there, tantalisingly.
6. However, I've been doing some Christmas ordering of my own, so some of the parcels have been ones I can open, and it's fun. I bought myself a little end-of-school present -- a Charley Harper colouring book. If anyone tells you big girls can't colour in, don't believe them. I am so excited.
7. Thursday night is do-the-groceries-buy-dinner-and-rent-a-movie-night around here. The movie didn't happen because papers on Prince Caspian and relativism were calling out for the Red Editorial Pen of Doom, but the dinner did happen: Madras beef, rice, and naan bread. So very, very good.
   

Here you are, Mitanika -- a post all of your own! I hope it helps you procrastinate just a wee bit more; it certainly helped me to do so. Love!


PS everyone. Soon I'm going to be on holidays. Holidays. Holidays. HOLIDAYS. What books should I put on my holiday reading list?

School days, school days, dear old golden rule days.

Oh no! Not for me, not for me.
Call it torture, call it university.
No, arts and crafts is all I need --
I'll take calligraphy and then I'll make a fake degree.

College Kids; Relient K

Bizarro thought of the day: I'm almost at the end of my second year of uni. Four more weeks and then Summer holidays. How did that even happen?

On the one hand, it feels like I only started last week (seriously, where did two years go?). But on the other hand -- the hand that apparently realises I no longer hover over the college style guide triple-checking the formatting of every essay, and which also notices I've stopped being a square and handing in those essays a week early -- it definitely feels like two years. Over halfway!

My uni experience has been kind of different to most peoples' since: a) I'm about twelve years older than your average first year student; and b) my college is in South Australia and I am (mostly) in Queensland. The distance thing has provided its own set of challenges and blessings. There are times when I've wished I could simply ask my lecturer a quick clarifying question rather than having to launch a series of emails which may or may not be answered in time, depending on how techno-savvy the teacher is. I also think it would be both cool and helpful to be able to engage in class discussions and learn from the other students.

However, having done homeschooling for highschool and worked a bit of freelance (both of which taught me that I can quite happily work on my own), it's been ideal for me to be studying distance. It fits well with my learning style, and motivation hasn't been a problem. I definitely do not miss having to do aural presentations (public speaking, even of such a minor kind, is a shadowy lurking terror for me), and I love that I can pause and rewind lectures infinitely, instead of having to rely entirely on hastily-scrawled notes taken in class. Plus, while I'm on the same timeframe as 'regular' uni students (something people don't always get), there is a sense of freedom in not having to rock up to class at a specific time each day. And it's a lot of fun taking a bunch of books and a blanket outside to sit and study under the sun.

I don't like that studying tends to make me measure out my days in terms of semesters and holidays and due dates (I would much rather measure out my life in coffee spoons; thank you, T. S. Eliot) and boy it feels antisocial and self-centred to lock myself away and study when my family is around. But the excellent things abound. I love that, while I'm majoring in creative writing, the fact that I'm studying at a Christian college means there are compulsory theology units, and I basically get to study a whole world of things I would never have picked out for myself. Who knew that philosophy would be so appealing? I love that it's a non-denominational school, and the lecturers range from a wealth of church backgrounds including Baptist, Pentecostal, Salvation Army, Catholic, and Reformed traditions. I love that one cannot be a pampered, temperamental little wordsmith while studying, but that -- no arguments -- one has to write to deadlines and to guidelines. I have to write stuff I might not want to write, and to do it creatively. There is no time to stroke the muse. One simply has to make the words come out. It's excellent preparation for the writer's life or a freelance career.

I love, too, that being forced to study something (it sounds harsh when it's put like that but I really mean it in quite another way) gives me the opportunity to learn to like something I'd never otherwise care about. My new awareness is that I can love just about anything if I'm made to study it (Mum, remember setting me that term of insects in year 7 or 8? I groaned, but then I became a fanatic. Yes, I'm a nerd). Immersion seems to work that way for me. Someone once told me that the best way to learn to hate literature is to study it at university. So far I'm finding that the opposite is true, and that makes me happy. Oh, and there's so much reading. Yeah.

Okay, I was going to talk about subjects now and subjects future (picking subjects each semester definitely remains my favourite thing) but that'll have to wait because this post got epically long. You can blame it on Annie Laurie. She asked about school.

* * * * *

Conversations:

Katie -- and the Spring days keep getting better and better! Mm, I'm loving this weather.

Samantha -- :D to all of your comments.

Caitlin -- YES! I need to head south to catch up with my family and all the friends in that area -- including you!

Asea -- Paper nerds UNITE!

Staish -- Filing nerds UNITE!

Mothercare -- I love you, too :)

Rebecca Simon -- Hugs right back at you! And yes, I totally recommend Josh Harris' book.

Simplythis -- Ooh, I wish I were more geeky and could help you with this dilemma but I'm normally all like yay Firefox you rule the worrrrrld but... if it eats pictures, I'm not so sure.

Mitanika -- I want to know so much more about this possible going-back-to-school!

They're HERE!

Oh, sweet sweet school holidays! How I have longed for your bright presence, your warm greeting, your loving embrace! And now -- now you are finally here with your opportunities for reading in the middle of the day, for spending time with people, for writing letters, for learning to like talking on the phone, for sleeping in, for watching movies, for baking nice foodstuffs. Holidays, I love thee.

PS. The tribe has spoken. In-post-replies return -- starting today.

* * * * *

Conversations:

Meaghan -- I don't need profound reasons from you; your excellent opinion is quite motivation enough, oh wondrous friend!

Mothercarey -- my eyebrows blush and thank you.

Julia -- thank you! xx

Ruth -- I took it for what it's worth and then some. I like the in-post-replies, too, but I'm weird and so I thought it quite possible everyone else would find it vaguely disturbing. Apparently not so! Plus, it feels more like a little hippie commune when we're all in dialogue together.

Rachael -- thank you and I think we're all on the same page re. comments. Yay!

Caitlin -- precisely so! The internet is great for connections like that :). Oh, and yes, hopefully we'll be down your way more often now!!

Samantha -- we are like-minded souls :).

Katie -- thank you, friend! x

First week of school.

The first day of school has always made me just a teensy bit delirious. Fresh-sharpened pencils! Blank exercise books! Lunchboxes (after six whole weeks of eating like normal human beings at a kitchen table)! Teachers! Libraries! Assignments! But, yes, mostly the pencils and the notebooks.

That feeling hasn't lessened even though it's more than twenty years since I was in kindergarten (um, ouch) and this week -- the first week of my second year of uni -- I feel the old happy delirium all over again. Learning is exciting. Information is exciting. And -- I won't lie -- blank notebooks are very exciting.

I'm taking three subjects this semester. It still counts as a full-time study load, but will -- in theory, and hopefully in practice -- leave me time to dive back into some freelance work. I say dive but I imagine it will feel more like wading leaden-footed through a muddy mangrove swamp. Freelance writing is not like other work; there is no boss around the corner who might walk in at any moment and see that you are fooling around on facebook. There is only one person to crack the whip, and it is you. But it is challenging and stimulating and adventurous nevertheless.

My subjects this semester are Ancient Civilisations, Prose Writing, and Literature and the Christian Faith. I'm eagerly anticipating all of them, but that last one has me rubbing my hands together in a sort of gleeful, silent happiness. It consists of a whopping overview of English literature from the medieval period through to the twentieth century, tracing Christian themes as they emerge from within literature and also as they influenced it. The course looks at a vast variety of writers, from Shakespeare to Flannery O'Connor and T.S. Eliot. I estimate that there's about 9,000 pages of required reading this semester -- I'm not even kidding -- and most of it looks delicious.

I'm ready to dive in.

PS. These pictures have nothing to do with the first week of school and everything to do with the last week of holidays -- which were fantastic, by the way.

Spring break, oh yeah!

That sound you hear is me sighing contentedly.

I have finished my first semester of university and, though it's a small achievement, it's a happy one none the less. My adventure back in the land of school (after having been completely out of that world for ten years) has proven to be rewarding already. Actually, it's been fun. There have been moments of mild panic when I wonder if I'll ever get that assignment completed on time (all my own fault, of course; who wants to be writing assignments when you can be laughing at small nieces and nephews?). Nevertheless, I'm here, and eager for next semester. My subjects next semester are Poetry (immersion in the world of poets, yay!), Australian Society and Politics (and the lecturer has an Irish accent), Intro to Philosophy (wherein I will pretend I know what I'm talking about), and Reading the Bible Faithfully (which can only be good).

For now, though, I'm going to thoroughly enjoy the break, which is set to include family catch-ups, adventuring, and the reading of books 'just because'. I'm turning my laptop off for twelve days. I mean it! And, though I'll be popping in on facebook and round the traps occasionally, mostly it's going to be a low-tech holiday. I'll catch you on the flipside!