Monday, June 18, 2012

Inhale, exhale.

I used to think I was made for intense seasons. For the five years my family ran a quilt store and cafe, I revelled in a packed schedule. Even when it freaked me out, I kind of relished the challenge of adding 'just one more thing' when it seemed there wasn't room for even half of one more thing. That was me, back then. So the question I'm asking now is: where on earth did that person go?

The last month has been a steady trickle of just-one-more things. Uni things. Finance things. Health things. Brain things. Heart things. Daily life things. Future things. Wondering things. And I've turned into one big Anxious Thing. I should probably mention here that before I was the girl who revelled in the packed schedule, I was the girl who lived in the terror zone. I guess you could call it my special gift -- an unwanted gift, but one in which I particularly excelled. My special skill peaked in my teen years, during which time I really hit the fear zone. It was a time I don't look back on with fondness -- it was pretty crippling, actually -- but it taught me some good things, mostly about how it's not who I am, but who I am in Christ that matters. And that sounds like a pat phrase, but it's really not.

I thought all that stuff was in my backstory, though. Then KABOOM, it suddenly catapulted itself into my present. Whew. Just as ugly and paralysing as it was back when I was seventeen only, like, now. Yuck. Yuck and yuck. And it seems petty and weak because there are people with infinitely huger things going on in their worlds, as well as some very good things going on in my own world (and I promise to tell you about those things), but of course none of that makes sense to a brain when it's on the fritz. Logic puts on its cloak of invisibility.

In the middle of it all, though, and just like back in my teens, this season has sent me running back to the shelter that is true. The truth doesn't take away pain, but it reminds me that it's bearable, that it's for some good reason, and that there is Someone who has promised to keep me within His love. Man, I can't express enough how good that is.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy. Psalm 103:2-4


  1. I will continue to pray for you in this. Everything you write you write so well!

  2. Oh Danielle, thanks for sharing even when it's hard! You're an encouragement even through your struggles. I'll be continuing to pray for you. x

  3. Will be praying for you, Anxious Thing. You're not the only one who feels so intensely human. :)

  4. I know how you feel... there are so many things to remember and juggle as an adult, it's super annoying!

    One thing that's helped me as we have financial struggles (Jason looking for a job again) is the day-to-day approach. Right now I can NOT see how we could pay our rates (when they arrive sometime down the track). But the rates aren't due TODAY. So TODAY, we're fine! Does that make any sense?

    Obviously we need to prepare for the future, but there are so many things that can happen/change in between now and then, so we may as well be at peace.

    God bless you, I think you're wonderful. xx

  5. You're 'anxious thing' comment made me smile. Not that I'm smiling at you being anxious :)

    I appreciated our convo the other night (I'm assuming this is related a teensy bit)- it's so relieving knowing other people are like you :)

    Hope you feel like a non-anxious-thing soon... specially at the end of this week!

  6. Totally relate to this at the moment. Praying that you can rest in God and follow Hannah's (And Jesus') excellent advice to try and not worry about tomorrow.
    Love and prayers from a fellow Anxious One

  7. "Just keep swimming!"

    Praying for you xx

  8. I definitely know how you feel, Danielle, except I am in the "teen age"... :). But this Scripture verse is so encouraging. May the Lord Jesus bless you and guide you through those anxious times. I am going through one myself, but it is so wonderful to know we can cast all our burdens and cares at His feet.

    In His love,
    ~Joy @

  9. I can relate to the anxiety... I used to thrive on busyness; the more the merrier... but now, I do anything for a day of rest :)
    It's hard staying calm and relaxed and remember to give it all to God...
    IT's sooo easy to get overwhelmed and then become self centered too =/
    IT's now about me's about Christ and His story, His will for my life! God is good :)
    And being in the center of His will is the very best place to be! :)
    *hugs* Love you, dear!

  10. I too have been experiencing this a little. Here are some things that have helped me recently, not sure if they will help you but you never know...
    This phrase "Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you will discover that He is the rock at the bottom"
    And I can't find a certain picture that was all over tumblr the other day... and now it has disappeared. Tumblr is like that, I guess. I will keep searching!

  11. Ha! Found it, here it is

    While I don't know if I necessarily believe it, I just like the visual :)


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